This letter was written by one of our NICU dads, and we are honoured to share it with you. Thank you Jason, for your beautiful words.
Hi NICU Dads,
Father’s Day is this weekend. I don’t know about you, but I really don’t feel like celebrating Father’s Day the Hallmark Way this year. I don’t think my weekend will look like any of the results of a google search on Father’s Day images, and I’m guessing yours probably won’t be either. In fact, I think our particular circumstances this year are going to be quite different from our family and friends who are dads. I see lots of really good dads out there who really do deserve to be dad of the year and Father’s Day is something I’m happy that they can enjoy.
But this year, it’s different for us, isn’t it? The truth is, it’s tough enough being a good dad under “normal” circumstances, but when our brand new babies are right now beginning their lives in the NICU, “good dad” is pretty tough to define.
I’ve found myself wondering quite often if I am being a good dad. As a man, and as a father, what do I really bring to the table to help my baby in the NICU?
I can’t make milk like my baby’s mom, (although I’m told by many moms that milk making is not so much fun), I can’t handle or hold my baby as skillfully as her, and I don’t have those mysterious mothering instincts that kick into overdrive when in the presence of my baby. I don’t dare presume I know more than the nurses because they are so amazing, and I don’t know if I can figure things out quickly enough to tell them what I DO know!
As fathers, we would be willing to get in the Octagon with a professional MMA fighter, stand guard all night in front of our homes, even take a bullet in the chest in order to protect our babies, but none of these instinctive fatherly traits really help improve our baby’s circumstances, do they?
So what do I really bring to the table? And my carthartic answer to that question is……
The X/Y chromosome! You are already a good dad if your baby is either male or female. Your imprint is written into your baby’s body and mind.
And here’s where it gets even better. No man will ever have the chance to take care of my baby at this point in my baby’s life quite like I can. If you’re a NICU dad reading this, you are already a good dad. And chances are, you are trying to figure out more what it means to be a good dad.
It’s not an easy question to answer; am I a good dad? But I also believe that we men are instinctively driven to find acceptable answers to our questions. We NICU dads are most likely going to have epic struggles in order to answer this particular question, but I don’t think we would be willing to back down from a fight like this. It’s in our nature to fight. The playground taught us that lesson a long time ago. Our answers are probably going to be much different than each others, and I would be glad to listen to what your answers are, if I ever get the chance to meet you.
Dads, I want simply to tell you that I am honoured to be in the company of the fathers of the Sunnybrook NICU, and that it’s a privilege to be around men who struggle day in and day out for their babies.
Happy Father’s Day.
This piece of LEGO mosaic art was made by one of our NICU dads, and now is in the NICU.
It captures a special moment between a dad and his baby.
