One year ago today at 1:37 AM, my life forever changed. I gave birth to my hero Vienna-Grace Evelyn Smith.

Weighing a total of 643 grams, born at 24 weeks and measuring 32 cm long, she was the smallest thing I have ever seen in my life and I can remember the fear and horror I felt the first time I laid eyes on her. I cried until my eyes couldn’t cry any more and I prayed until I had no more strength left to utter a single word.

I had no idea what we were in for or what to expect because up until the week before Vienna was born, I didn’t even know the NICU existed. Before that day I could have passed the NICU staff in the hall, unaware of all the amazing miracles the NICU nurses and doctors perform every day, and how many hours of hard work and dedication goes into every minute of their long and gruelling 12 hour shifts. Sometimes they’re even working through breaks and lunch and hopping around on a spot because their  tiny warrior in that little isolette is calling all the shots and needs their immediate attention and is saying, “No washroom break for you … I need to be suctioned or repositioned!”

I never thought I would actually ever say this, but I miss the NICU team! Please know that I thank God every day for you and that you do make a difference and that your work has not gone in vain. I am forever in your debt and I appreciate you all.

Who could ever have known how mighty and impressive such a tiny micro sized human could be!? Who knew that after a long 111 days spent in the NICU full of many ups, downs, twists and turns that you, my precious Vienna, would come out on top and amaze everyone each and every day even when all the odds were against us?

I am grateful for every friendship I encountered those 4 months no matter how big or how small. From fellow NICU moms and dads to NICU staff … there are so many of you and I could never thank you enough. Vienna and I were and are so blessed to have you all there on our side rooting for us every day. I never would have been able to get through it without you all.

A special shout out goes to my mom and dad for taking such amazing care of Vienna’s older brother and sister and of course myself during those 4 months we were at Sunnybrook. I am lucky to have you as my parents.

Thank you all for continuing to be a part of our journey and for all of your kind words of encouragement , and of course your shoulders to cry on and your ears for all the “vent” sessions.

I can never repay Sunnybrook for giving me my baby girl, but I promise to forever show my appreciation any way I possibly can. I cannot fully express my gratitude to you.

 To all of the current NICU parents … keep your heads up and never give up faith. I know that behind the walls of the NICU it seems that there is no light at the end of the tunnel, but hang in there, because miracles happen every day. I have living proof angels do exist.

Today I am wishing my warrior princess a very blessed and happy 1st birthday and of course many, many more to come.
Although she be but little, she is fierce!

Love,

From a proud NICU graduate mama

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Two weeks old, being held by Dad

When Maggie turned one, we celebrated, but barely.  We were joyful for her, but the events that led to her birth still weighed heavily on us, so our feelings were bittersweet.  Each year since then the balance between bitter and sweet has shifted, and now it’s pretty much all sweet.

The first time we saw Maggie’s face (at 2 months old), and our first family picture

I have spent some time today thinking of those two scared parents who had no idea of what was coming next, and I wish I could reach back through the years and hold them and tell them that they would be okay. But mostly I think about how our life has changed in so many wonderful ways since 2005. It’s not just that we added our magical Maggie to our family (although that’s the biggest and most splendid part of it). We also met such wonderful people who transformed her life and ours.

So to those people (and you know who you are), thank you for being the best welcoming committee ever, and thank you for continuing to guide families through the confusing maze of the NICU with such compassion and skill.  To the other NICU families we have met since then … we have learned so much from you and we are so grateful to be part of this amazing community.  We include all of you – nurses, doctors, RTs, NICU families – in our celebration today because we know we couldn’t have done any of this without you.

Our birthday girl … it’s entirely possible that she’ll manage to pull the sword out!

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