The tattoo is just one way she remembers her first born son, Easton. Easton was born just shy of 22 weeks, without a heartbeat, in 2018.

Mother’s Day, for Lisa and many others who have had a pregnancy loss, can bring mixed emotions. The peer support volunteer for Sunnybrook’s Pregnancy and Infant Loss (PAIL) Network shares her journey.

What has been helpful following your pregnancy loss?

My husband Chris and I share our story of loss with anyone who is open to listening. We’ve learned to not feel embarrassed if others are uncomfortable when we talk about Easton’s death. If I were to say anything to a parent who has a loss it would be: it’s your story and you own it. You earned the right to grieve and process however it feels right for you. Regardless of “normal” timelines and expectations.

In March of 2020, your family welcomed baby Nash. Can you talk about the experience of “trying again” following your loss?

There is no right or wrong or a certain timeline in grief. I know some people feel guilty about trying to conceive after a loss. It can feel like everything stands still when you’re grieving. When I first learned I was pregnant again, I felt happy. Later, for sure, the uncertainty and concern set in, but in that moment it was joy. We weren’t “replacing” the baby we lost, we were continuing to build our family. Now, Nash is a healthy, happy and thriving toddler. He’s incredible.

How do and your family remember Easton?

We honour him on his birthday each year. And when Nash is old enough, we will have him pick a gift for the age Easton would have been that year and donate the present. We’re going to continue to be very open and speak about his brother. Both Chris and I got tattoos following the loss. I like that it’s a way to open up the conversation and our way of carrying him with us always. On my wrist, I have his hand and footprint, and Chris has the same on his chest, along with “Father of an angel.”

What does Mother’s Day mean to you now?

I remember my first Mother’s Day following Easton’s death. I kept thinking, “Am I a mom or not a mom?” It was like I was at a party I wasn’t invited to. This Mother’s Day, I don’t mind feeling sadness. The sadness comes with a bit of comfort as it means we haven’t forgotten about Easton. I have a baby, but not both of my babies. That is just our reality in how we celebrate and honour the day and really, I think speaks to the diversity of the makeup of a mom.

The post One mom’s story about having a baby after experiencing a pregnancy loss appeared first on Your Health Matters.

Mother’s Day can be a complicated celebration if your baby is in the NICU. On the one hand, you want to enjoy the day, and appreciate all the wonderful and beautiful things you’re discovering about your baby! On the other hand, you are caught in a strange world of beeping machines and artificial light, and you are not quite sure if your life will ever return to normal, and indeed you’re not sure of what “normal” even is. You are full of love and fear and joy and grief and gratitude and anger and hope, and there’s no greeting card that fits.

So what gift can we get our current NICU mothers, who are in the middle of such an emotional storm? We held a Mother’s Day tea today, with treats and goodies provided by staff and graduate parents (and beautiful bracelets from a graduate mom).  It was so nice, but perhaps the nicest part of it was seeing current NICU parents talk with graduate parents, and hearing conversations like, “When was your daughter born? OH! At 24 weeks! That’s just like my son!” One parent whose baby is with us now said, “It’s nice to see that the NICU doesn’t last forever.”  So this is one gift we can give: the knowledge that this will not last forever, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

The other gift we can give is our support and our help. Those of us who’ve been through it can share what we have learned, and hope that it will help these newer members of our special NICU parent club.  We asked our graduate families to share what they would like to say to other NICU moms on Mother’s Day, and here’s what they said.

• Although this is an unconventional Mother’s Day, with the baby(ies) in the hospital, cherish the moments and remember that there are many more to come. Also, remind yourself that we preemie parents get to have our children that much longer than the average parent – one bright side of having a preemie!
• I found it got easier then harder then easier … and I think we are in a great place now at 16 months corrected. I enjoy every moment with her and it’s not that hard any more.
• Words of wisdom: never give up hope. Miracles take time to turn into greatness! Stay strong mamas.
• My advice is to kangaroo your baby (or babies!) as much as possible. Feeling the physical connection really makes a difference to the emotional one.
• Attend rounds; ask questions, talk about your baby(ies), and don’t be afraid to give your thoughts. Do what you can with their care; change bums, take temperatures, give them baths. You can’t make a mistake, you’re a mum!
•  It may not be as you envisioned it, but your baby(ies) love you and need you. The NICU has them a short time, but they’re yours forever.
• Talk to your baby at any moment in a day and express your feelings.
• Please never think to yourself, “What did I do wrong”, because the answer is “Nothing”.
• Never give up hope and find the courage and strength that you need in your little one, because he or she will be your life long hero.
• There are many ups and downs with lots of tears but you will get through it and you will find out how strong you truly are.

And one final, beautiful, kind and true thought: Happy Mother’s Day to all those in the NICU with their babies, to those who have lost babies, to those who are home, and to all the wonderful nurses and doctors who are taking care of our babies instead of being at home with their families.

(Art provided by one of our NICU graduates. The first image is a bit more traditional, while the second is of a unicorn who can make rain go away with her magic horn, because that would be a good Mother’s Day gift too.)

The post A Mother’s Day gift for NICU moms from NICU moms appeared first on Your Health Matters.