Michelle LaFontaine recalls the first time she wore a small pregnancy loss pin when popping out to the grocery store.

“A woman stopped me and asked what it represented. I took a deep breath and explained that I had lost a baby. I appreciated her interest, and felt stronger after sharing,” says Michelle, Program Manager of Sunnybrook’s Pregnancy and Infant Loss (PAIL) Network.

The pin is part of an awareness kit provided free of charge by the PAIL Network to families across Ontario. October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and the PAIL Network is encouraging families to initiate more conversations around pregnancy loss and infant death.

Michelle shares her story of loss with anyone who is open to listening. “Small things like wearing an awareness pin can lead to organic conversations. Sharing your journey can be very empowering and also help educate those around you about loss and how you’re experiencing grief,” she adds.

Each kit comes with an embroidered key chain, a lapel pin and a sweetgrass smudge stick. The inclusion of the sweetgrass smudge stick resulted from the network’s work with Indigenous families and in First Nations, Inuit, and Métis communities across Ontario.

“We were intentional about including sweetgrass in the kit. Sweetgrass is the sacred hair of Mother Earth, it is considered the great connector as it heals the mind and body, ridding it of any negative thoughts and energies,” says Joanna Diindiisikwe, Special Projects Coordinator, PAIL Network.

Joanna explains that by adding a sacred medicine to the family awareness kit the hope is to provide support that is inclusive for all families across Ontario, as well as sharing teachings of Indigenous culture through the pregnancy and infant loss awareness campaign.

PAIL Network has also designed a kit for health and service professionals to support their work with families. The compassionate care provided by professionals to grieving parents has a significant impact on how they begin to cope with the loss of their babies.

“By participating in this awareness campaign, our hope is that more conversations around pregnancy loss and infant death will be had, and more bereaved families will be heard,” says Michelle.

To order an awareness kit, and for more information and resources on supporting families, visit PAIL. If you have questions, please email pailnetwork@sunnybrook.ca or call 888-303-7245 (PAIL).

The post A small awareness kit can make a big difference appeared first on Your Health Matters.

As a volunteer with Sunnybrook’s Pregnancy and Infant Loss group, I was honoured to share my story yesterday with a group of health-care workers. The purpose of the workshop was to educate and empower health-care professionals on how to deal with patients experiencing possibly the worst day of their lives and the fallout of their loss(es). Here was some of my advice:

1. Never assume.

When I was in hospital after experiencing a 20-week loss, a hospital porter entered my room with a flower delivery. As she set the bouquet near the window, she innocently looked around and asked, “Where’s the baby?”

Years later, in another hospital high risk unit I was in, I noticed butterfly stickers outside some of the hospital rooms. Those stickers symbolized to outsiders that the patient behind the door had experienced a loss. Every hospital needs something like this. And/or, ensure grieving moms don’t have to share the ward with celebrating moms.

2. Never start a sentence with “At least you have…” or “Just be grateful for…”

I tended to attract these well-intentioned comments because I have other kids. But, these comments felt like they were suggesting I wasn’t thankful enough for my current family. Losing one baby, doesn’t require a reminder (from your doctor) that you should “just focus on your babies that are alive.”

3. Please stop with the “how many pregnancies” and “how many live births” questions.

Surely, this information is already in my file. Please take a minute to find the answer before asking me to recount how many of my babies have died and at what gestation. While this might be a routine question for you, it’s triggering to someone who’s experienced loss. There were times that I was asked the same question during every weekly ultrasound, and sometimes, during the same hospital visit by various staff. Please have a better system in place.

4. Have a bad news plan.

Ensure that if bad news is delivered, your patient is going to be cared for when she leaves the appointment, is given written information on what to expect and what comes next because she won’t remember what you tell her. And, make sure she gets home OK (rather than going back to the office — which I did, more than once and, do not recommend). After one of my losses, I was given a backpack of self-care items and reading material and recall being so touched by this act of kindness, from a hospital volunteer versus another loss when I was told by the radiologist to “follow up with your doctor on Monday because he’s probably gone for the weekend since it’s Friday afternoon.”

Pregnancy and infant loss is not a “women’s issue.” It’s a terrible fact of life and it affects parents, families, companies, health-care systems and communities. I’m grateful to finally be in a place where I can share my experience without shame, and hope that through my sharing, I can help inspire small but meaningful changes in our health-care system.

The post Lisa Marie, a Pregnancy and Infant Loss Network volunteer, shares her story and advice for working with grieving parents appeared first on Your Health Matters.

The tattoo is just one way she remembers her first born son, Easton. Easton was born just shy of 22 weeks, without a heartbeat, in 2018.

Mother’s Day, for Lisa and many others who have had a pregnancy loss, can bring mixed emotions. The peer support volunteer for Sunnybrook’s Pregnancy and Infant Loss (PAIL) Network shares her journey.

What has been helpful following your pregnancy loss?

My husband Chris and I share our story of loss with anyone who is open to listening. We’ve learned to not feel embarrassed if others are uncomfortable when we talk about Easton’s death. If I were to say anything to a parent who has a loss it would be: it’s your story and you own it. You earned the right to grieve and process however it feels right for you. Regardless of “normal” timelines and expectations.

In March of 2020, your family welcomed baby Nash. Can you talk about the experience of “trying again” following your loss?

There is no right or wrong or a certain timeline in grief. I know some people feel guilty about trying to conceive after a loss. It can feel like everything stands still when you’re grieving. When I first learned I was pregnant again, I felt happy. Later, for sure, the uncertainty and concern set in, but in that moment it was joy. We weren’t “replacing” the baby we lost, we were continuing to build our family. Now, Nash is a healthy, happy and thriving toddler. He’s incredible.

How do and your family remember Easton?

We honour him on his birthday each year. And when Nash is old enough, we will have him pick a gift for the age Easton would have been that year and donate the present. We’re going to continue to be very open and speak about his brother. Both Chris and I got tattoos following the loss. I like that it’s a way to open up the conversation and our way of carrying him with us always. On my wrist, I have his hand and footprint, and Chris has the same on his chest, along with “Father of an angel.”

What does Mother’s Day mean to you now?

I remember my first Mother’s Day following Easton’s death. I kept thinking, “Am I a mom or not a mom?” It was like I was at a party I wasn’t invited to. This Mother’s Day, I don’t mind feeling sadness. The sadness comes with a bit of comfort as it means we haven’t forgotten about Easton. I have a baby, but not both of my babies. That is just our reality in how we celebrate and honour the day and really, I think speaks to the diversity of the makeup of a mom.

The post One mom’s story about having a baby after experiencing a pregnancy loss appeared first on Your Health Matters.

After a normal and uneventful pregnancy, at 26 weeks Amy began to experience preterm labour symptoms. The couple were transferred from their local hospital in Stratford to a London hospital, and then to Toronto. Owen was born at 29 weeks with a condition called pericardial teratoma (a mass on his heart) and had a lengthy stay in the hospital with numerous procedures and surgery. He died in Amy’s arms when he was 109 days old.

“There are significant dates with Owen that we pause, we smile and we cry. But most importantly we remember. Most parents get years with their children and have many opportunities to share stories and memories. Being a bereaved parent is much different. There are only a handful of dates for us so October 15, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, is one for all of us to be able to share our stories and carry on the loving memory of our babies gone far too soon,” says Amy.

Across the world, October 15^th is marked with an International Wave of Light, intended to represent a continuous chain of light spanning the globe for 24 hours. To support bereaved families, friends and loved ones can come together light a candle at 7 p.m. Candles burn for an hour, representing the global Wave of Light.

For families, the day of remembrance is both healing and inspirational after losing a pregnancy or having a stillbirth. “Remembering their baby, and the hopes and dreams they had for their child, is such an important step in healing from a loss,” says Michelle LaFontaine, Program Manager, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Network. “The day of remembrance provides a safe space to share their pain, receive support and truly be heard.”

The Pregnancy and Infant Loss Network has some tips for how friends and family can support those who have had a pregnancy loss or stillbirth:

1. Attend a remembrance event – Attending and offering a hug can be such an affirmation to families, and shows you care about their well-being and healing.
2. Listen to their story – If your friend or loved one wants to talk about their grieving, spend time listening. Just by listening, you acknowledge their pain and grief.
3. Ask what is needed – Grief impacts everyone differently. Some families may wish to have their loss acknowledged during holidays, others may prefer to grieve privately which might mean missing family dinners or other gatherings.

Amy is now a peer support volunteer with the PAIL Network, drawing on her own experience to support other women and families who have had a loss. On October 15^th, Amy and Rick will gather with friends and family to light candles and remember their son who they call the “biggest little warrior.”

“The love we have for Owen is what got us through all those gruelling days and continues to keep us moving forward,” says Amy.

The post For grieving parents, October 15 is a day of remembrance appeared first on Your Health Matters.