Tales from the first year: a preemie parent’s take on the big daycare decision

This time one year ago, I was trekking along in my pregnancy as though nothing was wrong. We were picking out colours for the nursery, thinking of boy names and girl names and enjoying reading about how our little peanut was changing and growing each and every week. Little did I know that by the end of February I would be put on bed rest for what would be the longest 6 weeks of my life, before our little monkey decided to join the world 13 weeks early.

Now, Seth is almost 10 months old and 7 months corrected. I am starting to plan his first birthday party and starting to think about returning to work. The latter of these two gives me the most anxiety; however the birthday party is starting to stress me out a little too.

If it was an option for us, I would stay at home with Seth, at least for a little while longer, and I never thought I would say that. Originally, before Seth joined the world and made us a family my plan was to go back to work early. Now that isn’t even on my radar. I can’t even begin to fathom leaving Seth with a daycare provider right now, let alone in two months’ time.

I hate the thought of leaving Seth in the hands of another woman for 7 or so hours a day, someone who will be witnessing his new facial features, new milestones, new voices and words. I hate the thought of missing all of that, but even more so, I hate the thought of not being able to see his smiley face every hour of the day as needed or wanted.

I know I am not the first mom to have to go back to work, and I know plenty of moms have gone back to work early or after their year is up, and after a few hurdles their kids adjust to the transition and all is well. And I know that this is going to be our case; however, getting there and preparing myself for that step seems unbearable right now.

We have chosen, or potentially chosen, a woman who provides daycare out of her home, which in turn is one street away from the school where I will be working. Now this could be a great thing, as Seth is nice and close. If he is sad, or if I am sad, I can slip over on my break and see him. I think though being able to keep my distance is going to be hard. I know I need to let him transition into his new routine on his own, and I will need to do the same at my school, so I will need to set up some boundaries with our daycare provider.

This daycare comes highly recommended, and she seems to be very nurturing and caring, but how nurturing and caring can you be to my boy, when there are 3 other children under the age of two running around? OOOh the stress.

I know when the time comes there will be tears, probably more from me then Seth. and that my husband and I will worry all day long, but in the end, it is something that we need to do. I know it will be good for Seth to be around the other children and learn to play and communicate with other boys and girls and that in the long run, he won’t remember his first day of daycare, but we will.

I also know that there will be many more times, as there already have been, where we will worry about Seth. I think it comes naturally, especially to parents of preemies. But I just keep telling myself, he is a fighter, he is determined and he will be ok.

Myself on the other hand…that is yet to be determined.

Thanks to graduate mom Amanda for her wonderful post; it’s important to acknowledge all the joy families experience in the first year home from the NICU, but it’s also important to acknowledge some of the stress too.