“He’s so cute! How old is he?”
That has become a common question asked by people of all ages. Old men with their wives in the shopping mall veer across the corridors to ask and coo at my son. Cashiers in the grocery store look at Austin in his stroller and ask. How can such a heart warming, honest and innocent question create such confusion and pain?
Don’t get me wrong, I take great pride in hearing how cute my boy is. Talking about his accomplishment and the landmarks he’s reaching fill my heart and secretly makes me well up at times.
Well, if you’re reading this, then you may be able to relate. You see, Austin was born a micro-preemie and was cared for by the NICU at Sunnybrook. My wife was rushed to hospital and Austin was born by emergency ‘C’ section at at 25 wks 6 days. He weighed 770g. He was, and still is, small. He had a lot of hurdles to overcome in his first three months of life before he came home two days after his due date.
“So, how old is he?” It should be a quick and easy answer for most proud parents, but it’s the part that confuses me and contributes to my turmoil. As a preemie he has his legal birthday, which is the day he was delivered, but he also has a corrected age, based on when his due date was.
I can understand the need for the corrected age, especially when I see Austin beside his cousin, who was born full term 20 days after Austin. While Austin is starting to pull himself up and testing the waters for some furniture surfing, his younger cousin is running up and down the halls, and looking for the best approach to scale to the top of any obstacles in the room. Furniture surfing is so old school for the younger cousin – been doing that for 3 months now.
I know Austin will beat all the other kids in the local cutest baby contest. Look at those brilliant blue eyes, and with those long eye lashes the judges will just love him. I know I do. I’m the proud father of this bundle of joy.
“So, how old is he?” What age category do I put him in? Do I enter him in the older category based on legal age? No one will believe me. He’s so small compared to the other kids. Do I use his corrected age? He’d be the same size as his fellow babies. But the form wants his birthday too, and that contradicts things. I really don’t feel up to getting into details.
“So, how old is he?” I pause and think before answering. Do I answer with a legal age of 15 months and watch the puzzled expressions strangers have as they wonder why their 8 month old is a giant compared to Austin? Or get the jokes of “must not be feeding him much, look how small he is”. How much of my story do I want to relive with these well meaning strangers? They have no idea what we’ve been through.
“So, how old is he?” Without thinking, I tell people that he’s 12 months. That’s his corrected age. That’s where his benchmarks are. That’s where his growth is charted by the pediatrician and the follow up clinic. That should be the easy answer. But I’ve found that often gets people asking, “Oh, so his birthday’s in December is it?”. Do I agree, tell a little white lie and move to the next topic or aisle in the store; or do I correct them to September and experience the looks of puzzlement when the math doesn’t add up?
“So, how old is he now?” Again, I answer just over a year, and go with the corrected age because it’s the easier to answer to give. Now it starts to come too easily as an answer. It rolls off the tongue, not just with strangers in the mall or the store clerk as we check out, but with some of the guys on the job site, or other friends I haven’t seen in a while. Some people know of some of the struggles Austin, Mom and I have been through. They look confused, so I relive parts of our story, reopen some old wounds, and explain the dual age categories.
I have to keep checking my thoughts for another year. I’m supposed to use a corrected age until Austin’s second birthday. I want the next year to slow down so that I can cherish and enjoy, smile and laugh so hard I cry as Austin has each of his firsts. It can be hard enough finding out that he pulled himself up for the first time five minutes after I left for work. I know I’m going to miss some things; it’s inevitable. I don’t want to rush things, I don’t want to miss a beat, but I can’t wait until Austin’s second birthday so we can drop this corrected age.
Brad is a proud graduate dad of the Sunnybrook NICU.
Brad, this is well written. I go through the same inner conversation with myself every time I am asked my son’s age.
Some days I give his chronological age and am prepared to tell our story and explain why my son seems small and other days, it’s just easier to give his corrected age.
Like you said, people don’t have any idea what we as preemie parents, and our children have been through. It’s hard sometimes to talk about, but at the same time, when I do talk about it, I feel such pride as I look at my beautiful boy and see how far he has come.
I’ve been through the same experience, my twin boys born at the same gestational age as ur Austin,Hadi was 710 grams and Monis 881 grams. Till their 2nd birthday I had the same confusion but same as u I use to tell their corrected age, but to tell u the truth, after 2nd birthday u will see a big difference in ur son and u’ll no longer required to even think about his corrected age, yes, it’s true. You’ll feel like a magic and he’ll be comparable to his cousin, i dont know how but that’s true, it’s my experience. My boys r now 3.8yrs and no one can imagine how tiny they were born.
When strangers ask me how old Tasha is, I often use a different number. I call it “corrected age for weight”. I take her current weight, and figure out what age she would be if she were at the 50th percentile. Right now, that would put her at around 9 weeks, as opposed to 5 months 9 days corrected, or 8 months 16 days from her date of birth. Then people marvel at how bright an alert she is compared with other 9 week old babies. It may be deceiving, but who cares, it’s fun. ;^)