We have a group of graduate families who stay connected with our hospital and who help us (and each other) in so many wonderful ways. We wanted to write a post together for World Prematurity Day, so we asked everyone to share an important NICU memory by finishing this sentence: “The first time …”
The first time I heard the words ‘discharge plan’ I fell apart in tears of joy. We were having a meeting and the neonatologist said those beautiful words and I realized it WAS going to happen and soon! Oh goodness, it was over 4 years ago and I still tremble at the thought!
The first time I held my son I felt truly blessed. To many he was a tiny little 24 weeker; to me, he was a miracle. Seeing him grow truly is a blessing!
The first time I heard my baby cry I smiled and I laughed. It was the most beautiful sound and meant she was alive, she was breathing, she was communicating. Although it was quiet at first, I realized how hard she was working to get that cry out. As she got bigger and older – even a day at a time – that cry got louder and stronger and still to this day, I am grateful and count my blessings for every cry.
The first time our then 14 month old daughter saw her baby brother. We held her up to his isolette and she didn’t see the machines, she didn’t pay attention to the noises and she didn’t acknowledge the many lines attached to him. She just saw a baby, a special baby, and she leaned forward to get really close, waved, said “HI” and kissed the isolette.
This is something perhaps only parents of prems can fully appreciate and celebrate! The first time I was preparing to give my daughter her daily glycerin tip and realized she had pooped all on her own, I was shocked and overjoyed! It was the day before she was going home from Sunnybrook. I had of course already stocked up on boxes and boxes of glycerin tips at home, but was fine to have them go to waste! (Truth be told she continued to occasionally need a tip – and things dramatically improved when she was 2 and started pooping on the toilet – I think the position really helped. T.M.I?)
The first time I got to hold my little guy was on his second day of life. I was so scared that I would hurt him. But the nurse reassured me ‘It’s ok. We are here to help!’ Her encouragements helped me to hold my child, and finally feel like a mommy. That This-is-really-happening, surreal kinda feeling. I didn’t know either to cry or smile.
The first time I gave my daughter, my first child, a bath all by myself with no one looking over my shoulders, I knew at that precise moment that I was ready to take her home and that we would do just fine. It felt reassuring to feel I had the skills to answer her basic needs, and I knew her well enough to watch her cues that would indicate how well or not she was doing. I felt empowered as a mother.
The first time I held my son was Magical. It was June 24th, 2012 and he was 14 days old. We did a Kangaroo cuddle and I have never been so emotional. Excited, nervous, crying, smiling, scared, happy… I was a bundle of emotions. This was one of the first times he had opened his eyes and looked up at me as if to say, “I’m ok, I’ve got this.” Thanks to Sunnybrook NICU, he was ok and did get through it 🙂
The first time I saw my baby boy he was the size of his dad”s hand. The first time his grandparents saw him, he was the size of his dad’s arm. Now, six years later, he is just the right size to play hockey for the first time!
The first time we heard her cry. I know that sounds a little crazy, because now, my goodness those lungs!! But the first time we finally heard her little voice, it was almost 3 1/2 months into our stay. No tubes down her throat, no syringes feeding her, no gavages, nothing. Just her teeny tiny little lungs crying for her mommy.
The first time I felt like the mom and not just a bystander was when my son was moved from the isolette to his crib and I could walk in and hold him if I wanted to, without asking “permission” first.
The first time I held our daughter I actually felt like a mom! Scared, excited, nervous, happy and finally felt like she was all mine.
The first time I got to spend the night with my daughter the day before she was released is something I will never forget. For the first time I was the one providing her care, holding her and nursing her. That was the first time I truly connected; this was my child and I was finally able to care for her as her mother. Although the nursing staff are the second best moms I could ask for, there is no greater joy then being able to hold your child at leisure, help her when she cries or needs her bottom changed or to be fed. That was the first night all those little things parents of non-prems take for granted FINALLY became our reality
The first time I held my baby son at home in my arms was completely and utterly amazing. I thought we would never get there at times. Three months at Sunnybrook but we finally made it home and could not have been possible without the AMAZING Sunnybrook staff.
The first time I really believed my daughter would survive was the night after I held her for the first time. I realized she was a real baby and a strong baby. I came home and fell on my knees in my front hall and cried and prayed. And I’m not religious! But I was that day.
The first time I held my daughter (kangaroo) I felt such peace and love for her. The first time I heard her cry (when she was taken off the vent when she was 7 weeks old) I was speechless with awe. We were lucky enough to get it on tape. The first time she breast feed after 30 days of lick and sniff I wept with relief. The first time she ate solids without puking or gagging felt like a huge miracle!!!
The first time we held our girl, we felt joy and were overwhelmed that the day had come, after waiting so long to hold our little princess.
The first time I held my daughter I felt this peace and happiness inside; for a moment time stopped! I was excited yet scared trying to make sure I held her correctly. I knew that I was a mom and that she knew me. She placed her head on my left breast as if to listen to my heart, then she touched my chin. Oh gosh, it made me so happy! After that moment she always touched my chin and placed her head at my heart!!!
I am thankful for all the firsts I am so fortunate to have with my twin daughters.
Thank you to everyone who shared memories and experiences. Please feel free to add more in the comments.
The first time i got to see my daughter in sunlight she took my breath away…
Oh, Jackie! Sniff! That’s perfect and so are you.
So many firsts, but the first time I put him in his sling and walked down the street with him, that was amazing, a real catch my breath moment.
This is so beautiful, Kate. Thanks for sharing.